It had been a while since that unpleasant feeling was there.
And here once again it starts surging up rapidly.Being that pathetic peering out at the window full of mist.
Reminds me of my own self which had been covered by tears.
The blurry scene had soon taken over the bright nice day.
Leaving behind hatred and anger which is at the boiling point.
How would I be able to convince myself that this are the reality.
When i decide to shun away whenever encountered.
Always on the way of escaping due to the fear of facing it again.
Choose to isolate myself from the real true world.
A world that is so devastating.
It had seem that those seeds covered with fear and hatred had soon found its way.
Founded its way to reproduce its unfavorable gene deep beneath myself.
I tried to nip it from the bud but to avail,its all a failure.
A failure!!!
Thoughts of giving it up and not try to preserve ends up in despair.
The more I try to convince my self the more at the same time I hurt myself.
Trying to be the best of both world is like sentencing yourself to death.
A choice that can never be accepted by any one party that is to be neglected.
Rumors all over you trying to defame you.Trying to get over you.
And when you hope there is at least something to turn to,
it eventually turn on to you.And that is when you are entering the same place.
A place that no one will change for you but only for you to suffer yourself in silence.
The pain leaving inside would never be understand by the rest.
The tears flowing down like waterfalls are to be laugh off by others.
So what the point trying to preserve and endure all the pain.
The pain between standing firm to your own ground and the pain to give up.
A pain much more than anything would never heal unless you decide to face it and heal it.
Or you are being like a normal person who is asking for death in silence.
Xian 12.55PM
