伤感的散文

抬起头,泪流下
时光已逝永不回
往事只能回忆
忆童年时竹马青梅
两小无猜日夜相随
春风又吹红了花蕊
你已经也添了新岁
    ……
　　当记忆的齿轮无意中辗过我们，疼痛而又寂寞难耐。

心脏像一颗硕大的草莓，不断渗出鲜红的汁液，感谢它们支撑着我从容地数清身

上的每一处伤痕，然后看着这些伤口愈合或者溃烂。

曾经，哭着，摔坏心爱的玩具；笑着，任孤单在黑暗中肆意妖娆。

无法确定内心深处真实的感受，惟有一丝不为人知的酸楚在心头轻轻滑过。

看不见的就是梦寐，听不见的就是欺骗吗？

谁家今夜扁舟子，何处相思无月明？来世似流水不可待，

往事如落花不可追，淡淡的半个月亮，照不亮通往家乡的小道，

我只好伸出手去触碰天空中那悬而未决的忧伤。
依稀记得初次离家时莫名的心慌，家的轮廓越来越远，

熟悉的一切都开始变得模糊。

只身一人面对一个全然陌生的城市，像无意落入大海中的一滴雨水，

茫然失措，找不到自己。

但如今我一样适应了一个人的生活，学会了自己走路思考，

学会了自己照顾自己，学会了不在别人的庇护下安静地书写自己的故事。

也许这并不是我本意抑或是我面对现状的无奈选择，

可无论怎样我现在很快乐。但我真的快乐吗？
  或许人就是这样复杂，复杂到连自己有时也感到陌生，

那是一种可怕加上绝望的感觉，令人窒息。就像有的人一边在怀念曾经白衣飘飘的年代，

一边却与昔日的好友形同陌路自己亦昨是而今非。

不想去证实什么，也无法去证实什么。有一种力量很强大，

强到我们可以不动声色地去忘记曾经如何也不愿丢弃的人，

曾经如何也不愿遗忘的事。

我们在时光的破碎机里开始变得面目全非，

是我们自己亲手残忍地搅碎了韶华，埋葬了青春，

然后在繁华落尽、青春散场之时才发现眼角滑落的泪却浸湿了回忆。

年华的蒸腾，留下的只有斑驳的印记，但提醒我们曾经来过。
　　皑皑岁月里埋藏的往事会在一夜之间抽丝发芽，

唤醒她的是王子深情的一吻吗？童话的纯真像一抹淡淡的粉色轻轻地撒在岁月的风中，

那时的天空，片片寂寞的湛蓝，渗出清亮的雨滴，然后凝固成希望的形状，

然而一切都跟不上长大的脚步，流光容易把人抛，红了樱桃，绿了芭蕉。

因为我们不是彼得潘，我们无法拒绝成长。当我们不再年轻时，

有些事情开始清楚，人世间的痛苦莫过于蔓珠沙华的命运，

花开时花与叶却让人心酸的被生死轮回所阻隔，从此相见不如怀念。

当灵魂度过忘川，便遗忘曾经的一切，把美丽留在了彼岸，开成妖艳诡异的花，

成为黄泉路上唯一的风景。从此明白没有一个人会一直为

另一个人在深夜昏黄的路灯下徘徊，没有不老的传说，没有不死的灵魂，

有的只是花叶生生相错的惋惜，有的只是苏州湖面上不散的烟雾，

有的只是内心深处对生活对命运对未来不曾妥协过的坚持。
　　有人说过世界是虚幻的，我们活在彼此的心里。不管是活的人，抑或是死者。
当一切结束的时候，我们该何去何从？也许依然向往彼岸的风景，

然后一路走一路丢下，只剩下墓地里盛开的蔓珠沙华依旧微笑着流泪……

Xian,6.37PM 

Same outcome.

Monday was the day where MUET(Malaysia University English Test)  result is released.
Without period notice I receive a shock upon arriving at the school.
Last time I obtained a Band 4 and after that I was really determined to get the better.
Friends were busy SMS-ing to obtain the latest news thus stirring up a tense ambiance.
Hate to admit it but I was one of them fearing that I may not get a better Band but instead to the worst.
Doubt were all around my head only to be given hope when encouragement poured in.
By 10am the official result was sent to our school and is upon to be pasted up.
Heart was popping vigorously against my rib cage as a crowd was form in just seconds after being pasted.
One by one faces of joy and agony appeared.
Few of us who took up the challenge for the better result one by one waited patiently.
Nerve was surging high up as thoughts of the worst keep coming across my vulnerable mind..
In the end the crowd was lesser and I was our time to accept the fact.
Some of my friends obtain Band 5 and certainly scream of joy was heard.
I walk calmly to face the result........and..........
too bad a high Band 4(215/300) was the best I could get.
Perhaps My speaking marks was high but not high enough for the lucrative Band 5.
Encouragement and console was soon pouring in to cheer me up.
Soon, I was over it as after all it wasn't that bad and moreover,its a huge improvement.
Perhaps luck wasn't on my side to obtain the Band 5 and somehow and thing to be regret......
for the rest of the life.
Taking the test once more never come across my mind anymore.
Perhaps the fate is there then accept it and move forward.
Lastly,thanks Few Wen,Teik Ming and Poh Lin for your concern.
Thanks a million and congratulations to you guys for gaining the Bands you people had hope for.

Xian,6.38PM

Defeat.

There is no such thing such as failure unless we accept it such as giving it up and call it quit.
This is what happens to the majority of the people when the sailing gets tough and rough.
Not so to the iron-willed ,for they know that failure is just merely a temporary defeat.
A time to draw deeper from the well of life,gather more strength and the force needed
to overcome the problem of life and forge ahead with new vigor.
There is no failure for a man whose spirit is unconquerable.
As long as there is life there remains the opportunity to gain success. 
The larger our losses the larger we must develop our manhood to tower above them.
It is never really a question of the quantity of things that we lose outside of us.
The thing that really counts is,how much is there left inside of us after losing the thing outside us?
Have we kept the spirit intact in our heart?Is it undaunted?
Do we still have the iron will to overcome it once again?
Do we still have the burning desire to conquer the world that was once ours?
As long as we have the desire...nothing will be impossible.
The man that gives up easily is not likely to amount much,even if he had everything.
Quitters never win!!Its not the falling that are tragic but in our falling we fail to get up is disastrous.
Once I remembered asking the boy how you skate that well huh??
An answer was told that embarrass me:Get up every time you fall!!"
There is no defeat,no failure,for a man who knows self.
Who knows that within him is the power sufficient to overcome the trips,the falls,the hardship,
the disappointment,the obstacle and roadblocks which precede every great victory!!

Specailly dedicated to Bro and S.kher.=)

Xian 3.08PM

习惯了吧。

有时或须是久了吧，
渐渐的不能没有了，
像似上了瘾的感觉了。
没有的时候有点不习惯了。
哎，说好要忘的。
但我做不到。

Xian,6.57PM