期待的痛。

有人说，有人问安的早晨是晴天的伊始
，有人祝安的夜晚是晴天的落幕。
丝丝细雨不曾停歇，片片孤云忘了漂泊，
我依偎的晴天，碎了满地，留与我悲伤。
我徜徉的风景，竟是虚幻的梦，
羞涩的藏于心的最深处，
但无情揉碎在无人祝安的阴天。
阴天里，我的梦，似真亦幻的你，犹安好？
或许梦想与理想的区别在于梦想是虚幻的，
而理想是现实的。华丽的梦，
不需如何构造，也会光鲜照人。只是若是。。。
我倦了，累了，眼眸干燥，面容憔悴。曾经徜徉的梦，
羞涩的梦，轻易破碎在梦想的高空，洒落一地悲伤的碎片。
此刻，我，终于明白！
因为个人的要求导致我梦碎了。。。

Xian,11.24am

学会了。

天真的我总以为就是那样，
不会自己主动去摸索一下事情的真相。
意味的去吸取眼前的东西，
可是不去考虑它的为什么。
哎，这怎么行噢？？
当初告诉自己了什么噢。
怎么那么快就忘了自己当初的决心呢？
没关系吧，勇敢的前进吧！！
也许这也好，至少让我了解我需要的是什么。
该知道的是什么，身为这个的我，又要知道什么呢。
就这样吧，一次的挫折将是前进的一小步吧！
谢谢在远方的你噢！！我知道该怎么做了。

Xian 2.51PM

新的开始。

好久已经没有到此写部落格了。
或许一段忙碌的生活吧。
进入大学的第5天了，开始有空写部落格。
这几天里正在尝试开始新的生活。
现在也可以说已经安顿多了吧。
除了地方上的不认识，其余的就看着学吧。
这几天还过得不错吧，慢慢的尝试大学生活的滋味吧。
下个星期就要开课了噢，我会加油的噢。
因为在远方的你也在加油啊。
所以哪里可以不为自己加点油呢！！
今天好开心的可以认识到学哥，也是槟城人噢。
呵呵，难得那么早就可以认识到学哥，没想到勒。
希望可以借助他们的帮忙吧，好让我可以达到我想要的。
会给你惊喜的噢！！听到吗，在远方和我一起加油的你！

Xian,5.30PM

一丝的感触。

一直以来的梦想就在眼前，
可是得到的却不是自己要的。
心里一时涌起的矛盾增加了。
也许早已告诉自己方向了，
但当遇到的时候却是不知所措了。
偶尔觉得自己还是舍不得，
不过至少还有你，
让我看清楚了。

Xian 2.52PM

The same cycle.

It had been a while since that unpleasant feeling was there.

And here once again it starts surging up rapidly.
Being that pathetic peering out at the window full of mist.
Reminds me of my own self which had been covered by tears.
The blurry scene had soon taken over the bright nice day.
Leaving behind hatred and anger which is at the boiling point.
How would I be able to convince myself that this are the reality.
When i decide to shun away whenever encountered.
Always on the way of escaping due to the fear of facing it again.
Choose to isolate myself from the real true world.
A world that is so devastating.
It had seem that those seeds covered with fear and hatred had soon found its way.
Founded its way to reproduce its unfavorable gene deep beneath myself.
I tried to nip it from the bud but to avail,its all a failure.
A failure!!!
Thoughts of giving it up and not try to preserve ends up in despair.
The more I try to convince my self the more at the same time I hurt myself.
Trying to be the best of both world is like sentencing yourself to death.
A choice that can never be accepted by any one party that is to be neglected.
Rumors all over you trying to defame you.Trying to get over you.
And when you hope there is at least something to turn to,
it eventually turn on to you.And that is when you are entering the same place.
A place that no one will change for you but only for you to suffer yourself in silence.
The pain leaving inside would never be understand by the rest.
The tears flowing down like waterfalls are to be laugh off by others.
So what the point trying to preserve and endure all the pain.
The pain between standing firm to your own ground and the pain to give up.
A pain much more than anything would never heal unless you decide to face it and heal it.
Or you are being like a normal person who is asking for death in silence.

Xian 12.55PM 
     

还是因为一时。

好多时候总是为了自己的一时吧，
却是带来了许多不必要的状况。
只为了争夺那一个位，那一口气，
却带来了许多后事。
也许谢谢你的指点，
以后我学会了，也不会再冲动了。
因为这件事，我长大了。

Xian 10.40AM

大雨的陪伴。

突来的乌云掩盖了大地，
自己纳闷的心情掩盖了自己的快乐。
阵阵的大风猛猛的打在脸上，
似乎生气我就是那么的狭窄。
就在走廊上没有目的徘徊，
不知不觉来到了自己熟悉的地方。
雨点慢慢的大起来了把自己给弄湿。
依然放不下的我任凭雨点打在身上。
恨不得自己在这里就给你们战胜了吧。
久了，觉得还是它最了解我了
也许也在告诉我别那么火了吧，
就消消我的气吧。
可是怎么就是不能，不能放下。
那。。一直围绕着自己，
固执的我再次让自己满身是伤痕。
还是它陪我一起掉水，
陪我一样乌黑的心情，
陪我一样短暂的度过，
就这样雨过天晴了，
我的心情也随着好些了。

那些泪。

望着那天真无涯的小孩，
还在草原上奔跑的小菩萨。
天生换上神经协调障碍他，
或许认为大家都和他一样。
很自然的喜欢作弄他人。
不知道自己已经没有学校让他学习了，
爸妈到处为他奔跑，为了医好他。
妈妈多次的为他烦恼，掉泪。
甚至想要放弃了。
但是那母爱依然还在，不离不舍。
所以啊，加油噢小启恩！！
要快点好起来噢，别再给大家担心你哟！
以后等你一起再次奔跑哝。

Xian,8.53PM
 

寂寞出口

想看清那爱的脸孔
话题一点就能懂
如果能猜透你的梦我就不会词穷
想要把爱紧握手中
可是当越在乎它就更容易失控
终于翻起暗涌
无力卷入爱换爱
对对碰的漩涡
我只想把我的感动
分一半到你心里的天空
没收所有的难过
寂寞也能做最好的朋友
我会好好过每秒钟
被疼爱是恩宠
感谢你最后选择陪我走到最后
让寂寞有了出口
你不知道命中注定那个一直默默为你守候
你不知道　　
找了很久很久属于我的拥抱
这次觉不放掉

Xian 11.52AM

老婆婆的毯子

有一位老婆婆，家境十分貧窮，僅有的財產就是一條毛毯。有一天，好不容易出現了陽光，老婆婆立刻將毛毯取出來曬；她唯恐毛毯被竊，所以就搬了一張椅子，坐在毛毯旁邊看守著。

有個小偷想要竊取毛毯，但是老婆婆在旁看守著，讓他苦無機會下手。於是便想了一個辦法，他走到老婆婆面前，告訴她：「老婆婆，現在的賊很 狡猾，偷了別人的東西，還要人家向他道謝，妳要特別當心才好。」老婆婆說：「怎麼可能？我一直在這裡守著；而且小偷若偷走我的東西，我一定會很生氣，怎麼 可能還向他道謝呢？」

小偷就說：「妳若不相信，我可以示範給妳看看。現在妳在此看守毛毯，我來扮演小偷。當小偷來時，會和妳談得很投機， 告訴妳：『老婆婆，妳坐的地方陽光不夠充足，我幫妳將毛毯拿到陽光較強的地方曬，同時用棍子把上面的灰塵打掉。老婆婆，妳會對我怎麼說？』」老婆婆說： 「真是太感謝你了。」

就在老婆婆不斷低頭道謝時，竊賊拿起毛毯就揚長而去，再也不回頭了。

＊＊＊

俗話 說：「賊計狀元才。」他為了偷取財物而運用世智辯聰；將聰明用在不好的地方，這就是「惡智聰明」。「大智慧」也是人人本具，有的人顯發於外，而惡業重的人 則掩埋在深處。學佛的人有了智之後，必須要有純良的慧，才能運用智力於善處。「智」能分別世間的事相，「慧」則可以了解出世間的真理。菩薩的智慧具足，他 們不但可以分別世間的事相，更能了解出世間的真理。

还是输了。

歇歇停停,我感觉到了自己的颓废.

身边的人,我没有想要诉说的对象.

不知道从什么时候开始，

自己学会了麻醉了自己。
面对一灌又一灌的酒瓶，
流下的眼泪都快装满了。
原来要和黑对抗伤的只有自己。
别人一样的活得自在，
自己活在一个恐惧里。
流下泪的痕迹明显的存在，
可是那些伤势多到看不懂那一个了。
改变一个东西伤的只有自己，
活该的只有自己，小的就是别人。
这样的同或许是不是在说，

你放不下你是你自己活该。

Xian 9.40PM

回不了的以前。

望着六十四个的黑白格，
带着紧张的心情面对这个棋盘，
也许再也没有哪个感觉了。
以后也会继续参赛吧，
可是MSSPP一起奋斗着，
一起鼓励度过一切也许不再有了。
刚过的学联运动赛也再次画上了完美的句号。
留着的遗憾也无法再改变了，
可是至少那一个尽力。。。。
我接受了。

Xian,11.53AM

为难。

曾几何时，在同一个问题上徘徊，
曾几何时，想要作个了断，
可是自己知道，
自己还是有许多的放不下，
不开心也好，痛苦也好、
都是命中注定要去经历的，
冥冥之中老天早就有安排！
为何要为难自己？
为何要放弃希望？
还是这样的习惯，
自己独自坐在电脑旁，
把音响的声响放到最大，
故意不让自己去听见窗外的雨声，
故意不让自己去想起那些不开心的事情，
生活还得继续，
我摆脱不了这些红尘琐事，
我只是一个凡人，也无法去改变命运的安排！
不过学会在自己的电影集中为自己营造更多的更美好的结局，
或许让快乐美好充满各自的电影集。

Xian 9.36PM

我的灯塔。

生活，没有完美的，总有些事情不尽人意的。
期待，生命的灯塔，引导人们追求更美好的事物。
生活永远只有99分，剩下的1分就是缺憾。
然而，正是有了这1分的缺憾，才是人们心中的期待。
也因为这样，给了我们以各重大的考验。
也许吧古人早就看到了这点～～
天降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，
劳其筋骨，饿其体肤也。
那段时间的期待也许让我们坚强了，
体会到了珍惜，爱护。
所以选择了这条路。
不只是想及格这个考验，
但要做到最好！！
因为我知道你就在前方等我，
等我的归来。
你是我的灯塔，引导了我！！

Xian,9.50PM

还是输给了自己。

或许是自己的好高骛远
把东西看得太高。
夜静的可怕，所有的人，
都开心的，准备进入梦乡，
可我依旧徘徊在梦魇的边缘，
谁能告诉我，到底怎么做，
此刻的微笑显得那么苍白无力，
夜，那么漫长，谁在听我轻声的歌唱，
唱那首，寂寞的歌？
夜未央，谁可以看透未来的方向？
陪我一起度过，漫长的街市？
要怎么深埋，那些不愿触及的伤？

Xian,8.44PM

最后一次了

渺小得自己，
顿时在人海中失去了方向感。
在十字路口的当儿，
选择了一个不归的路。
没有婉转的余地里走了下去。
换来的伤痕永久留在内心。
梦想狠狠的碎落在地上。
最后一次吧，真的最后一次了
把自己的眼泪浸湿了枕头套，
留下永远洗不去的痕迹。
或许吧，那里本来就不是我属于的地方，
使我顽固的和命运赌，
输了还是急需的顽强，换来的伤却从来不接受。
这一次，就让我顽强的最后一次吧！！
就把剩的都给当了。
最后的眼泪，最后的血，
因为有了你我一定能的！！
我相信，也古且地相信自己最后一次吧。

奕贤 10.32PM

Hesitatation.

To be fair to all parties at times come with a cost.
No matter the cost is a huge sum of it or little there is always a cost.
At times,getting us really lost in the middle of the crossroad.
Wondering what is correct.
Decision making again but fearing for the worst.
Is it possible that something good come out with it.

Xian,4.11PM

The begining.

The beginning of a hectic schedule certainly push me to the limit.
Waking up in the morning facing the dawn sky had been a routine.
Seems to be continuing for a few more month thus better get use to.
Perhaps its time to realize that at times appreciating those free days are important.
Days of business but likely there was you to go along with me.
Giving me the extra motivation to go for it and try harder.
At times I must admit is sort of torturing but at times it turn out vice versa.
Perhaps instead of quitting about what that had started,just continue it.
Hopefully those fond memories will last for ever.

Xian,4.10PM

3 day outing.

A day with mix feeling looking forward to the day to arrive.
5th Jan was the day we 11 people will be heading towards KL for a trip.
Sunway will be the main destination while the rest are just past time staffs.
Heading the KL around 9 a.m and arrived at the destination around 3pm.
Restlessly we headed the the Nova hotel where we were be staying at.
Basically the room was just normal and no more than a normal room.
After catching some forty-wings only then we continue our tour.
Had a nice time hanging out enjoying foods that we cannot find here.
Heading back to the hotel rather late and its time to have a nice nap.
However only manged to sleep around 4 that day.
On the nest day,we headed to our destination SUNWAY!!!
Upon reaching there,the adrenaline was running high in everyone's nerve!
Eagerly waiting for the gate to open.
On the mean time,we are just so anxious about what is awaiting us there!!
Will it be a scary one?A enjoyable one?etc.......
Finally the gate is open and without wasting much time,we headed in.
Having our cloths changed then off we go in a bang.
Headed to the dry place first was the Pirate Revenge waiting for us.
Watching others being toss into the air certainly hesitate us.
Anyway...since we are here so lets go!!!!
Gradually we were taken higher and higher until reaching a summit.
That was the best looking down with just a strap holding on to you.
This certainly sent spine up our nerve,heart thumping vigorously against the rib cage!!
Faces changes as we were taken to the highest!!Phew.......rather an interesting one
and also a scary on I think.haha
What next up then???the roller coaster!!!!Another terror ride I think playing in the mind of all.
Same,it was going in the gradual way allowing us to see place that well 
and on the next split second we knew that we were taken to the highest.....
and down we go all the way to the ground!!!Heart attack I guess as it coast down!!
Afther that we ehaded to the hanging bridge and off to the water.
Perhaps its not the bad there and what we experience there I guess...
But what a bad guess i made.....there is just the same as the water decides your fate.
Later on we went on to play some things that was not that scary like the paintball......etc.
It the rain and thats the end of our day!
Had a nice day and also a tired day!
then......Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The 3rd day was all about resting and tiredness had gotten the better of us then.
After taking breakfast we were just waiting for the time to past.
Went to Midvalley then to Pudu and then headed home.
Rather a nice trip that will be harly forgotten.

Xian,.2.37PM